9 Cassino Road, Plumstead  (021) 706 3272

Setting the gay record straight


Heather Barwick was raised by two lesbian mothers, and she is now speaking out against gay marriage. The reason, though, is not hatred – she loves both her lesbian moms. The reason is simply because she’s realized that children should have the right to grow up with both a mom and a dad, and she’s not afraid to say so. In her open letter to the gay community, which you can read here, she writes “I grew up surrounded by women who said they didn’t need or want a man. Yet, as a little girl, I so desperately wanted a daddy”. As a child of gay parents, she reveals,“Many of us are too scared to speak up and tell you about our hurt and pain, because for whatever reason it feels like you’re not listening. That you don’t want to hear. If we say we are hurting because we were raised by same-sex parents, we are either ignored or labeled a hater.”

It’s inevitable that, as a pastor, I’ll write and say things that people don’t like and that aren’t politically correct. But that’s because I follow Jesus, and Jesus was probably the most un-politically correct figure in history. He was anti-establishment, and his followers are too. He said, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.” (John 15:18). But we don’t oppose the establishment for the sake of it; we oppose the establishment because it’s often wrong, on many issues. Today, the establishment is wrong on gay marriage, and followers of Jesus should not be ashamed to say so.

The reason we say so, though, is not motivated by hate or intolerance (it’s in fact the people who give us these labels who are doing the very thing they’re condemning by being intolerant of us). No, the reason we speak out against homosexual marriage is the same reason we speak against extra-marital heterosexual sex and divorce as well. And that is simply because we recognize that marriage has been designed by God as the incubator for children to grow. And thus any deviation from God’s design for marriage will, by definition, be removing something that children have a right to – namely, both a mom and a dad who are committed to each other for life.

See, the thing is, marriage is not just about me and satisfying my desires. If it was, then we could change it to best suit our desires. Rather, marriage is about obeying our Creator, and recognizing that to deviate from his instructions for the sake of our desires will not only harm us, but our children and our society as well.

Categories: Blog

About Nick

Nick is the Pastor of St Mark's church in Plumstead, a suburb of Cape Town.


  1. Lulu says:

    Well said. I am so tired of Christians side stepping this issue for the risk of being unpopular. But I also know how difficult society has made it for us to speak against it. May we be bold in the strength given to us by God through the Holy Spirit to do what is needed in this day and age.

  2. Lesley Watson says:

    Well written Nick.. I believe what you are saying is right, and that doesn’t exclude my compassion for folk who follow that route, thinking its ok. How strong Heather was to speak out.

  3. Alex says:

    This is a really interesting post and makes complete sense, but I still feel that, as Christians, we have no right to condemn gay marriage. I’m not saying that the post’s argument against gay marriage is wrong, because it’s a really interesting point. I’m saying that, although homosexuality is a sin, so is lying and thinking unclean thoughts about somebody out of marriage, so is stealing, so are so many other things, yet we choose to get upset and intolerant over this particular sin. We are even told in the Bible that no sin is greater than another. This, coupled with the fact that we are naturally flawed, sinful creatures, makes me feel that we should learn to accept gay people as ‘regular’ people. We are all equally guilty of sin. Personally I have no problem with homosexuality, and although I’m unsure from a religious standpoint, I for one fully support the acceptance of homosexuality, despite being a straight Christian myself.

    • Nick says:

      Thanks Alex. Very good comment – we must remember the words of Jesus “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. Which means that because we are all guilty of sin and all stand equally guilty before God, none of us have the right to judge another. We are equally in need of saving from the consequences of the many ways we’ve all gone against God’s will. However, we are also given the responsibility to help people to see what God’s design is and speak out when the laws of our nations are inconsistent with it – because we believe that our Creator’s design is the best thing for our world. The difference with gay marriage is not that it’s a worse deviation from God’s design, but it’s becoming an increasingly accepted and defended one

  4. Nick says:

    I’ve had a lot of queries about this article along the lines of: “your argument depends on the fact that children have a right to long-term heterosexual parents. But do they? Where do we find this right?”… It’s a good question. My answer is, of course, in the bible. And how can it be any different? If human rights are defined by humans alone, then they are not inalienable because if humans give them, humans can take them away. True (inalienable) human rights, if they are “rights” in any sense of the word, need to come from an authority higher than humans, namely – their Creator. Just as the basic human right, say, to not be killed comes from God’s law “do not kill”, so the child’s right to heterosexual parents in a long-term commitment comes from God’s laws on marriage. The fact is, we can go around in circles on the issue of homosexuality… everybody has a view. The only way we can find any real answers is by looking to an authority higher than ourselves, which we find in the revealed word of our Creator. We have a Creator… and he has spoken. We need to listen, even if we don’t like what he says.

  5. Raul says:

    Hi, Christians. We’ll see you in 2050 when you (once again) catch up to humanistic morality, as in the past with gender equality, interracial marriage rights and anti-slavery rights. Here are some tips:
    1. Sort yourselves out first, you have more conflicting denominations than can be listed.
    2. Stop forcing your niche of morality unto others. If you want to know how appalling it is to have your basic human rights deprived by a religious state, move to an Islamic state and tell me how it goes.
    3. Stop thinking you invented marriage. It was around long before you think the earth was created.
    4. As a heterosexual person I can guarantee hetero people have, throughout history, p****d all over the idea of marriage being “holy”.

    • Nick says:

      Dear Raul,
      Thank you for your comment. All your four listed concerns really come down to one issue, namely the basis of authority. You would argue that people are the basis of defining what is right and wrong, whereas Christians affirm that God is. Almost all the ‘conflicting denominations’ you speak of are in fact remarkably unified on this point. And this issue of authority is a key point in the argument because, really, what right does one human have to decide what is right or wrong for another? Now before you say ‘exactly – practice what you preach!’, I would direct you to your comments above. By telling Christians what they must do or not do, you are in fact doing the very thing you’re criticizing in forcing your own code of right and wrong onto others.

      You do however raise an interesting point in who invented marriage. Thank you for that because you’ve identified what’s really at the heart of the gay marriage debate. The bible is quite clear that God invented marriage when he invented humans, because marriage is to be the basis of human and societal growth. In fact, it would be bizarre if our Creator did not have at least some opinions about how human marriage should be conducted. And therefore, the only valid way to ignore what he’s said about marriage is to argue that he doesn’t exist or hasn’t revealed himself to us.

      At the end of the day, we’ve got two choices here: we can endlessly and pointlessly try to tell each what is right and wrong, on the basis of nothing more than our own invented opinions. Or we can seek out the will of our Creator in the matter, whether or not it’s politically correct.


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *